As a believer, I see coincidences as evidence of something greater at work reminding me once again, He is still there behind the wheel. For those that have fallen along with my Ten Lessons over 10 Years, an easy conclusion is that Brian just got slack as this project was supposed to be done in January and here we are in March. It turns out, as you will read, that we were on His timing all along, not mine. Read on for a special announcement and conclusion to the lessons.

When I got out of college, my first job was a claims adjuster doing workers’ compensation claims for a major insurance company. I remember putting on my Brooks Brothers corporate issued polo, dress khaki’s and clocking in for the 8 hour day working claims like I was in Office Space. I was surrounded with some really neat people, with some friendships still intact and appreciate them more than I share. But at the end of the day, clock out and life began. I couldn’t believe life was that compartmentalized – 8 hours of Liberty Mutual Brian and then go from there. I knew or hoped that I could live my life to the fullest by working and being around folks that I wanted to be around instead of paid to be around.

In an earlier post, I referenced Steve selling the house. He had said that over the years, he had tried to fill it up with lawyers, but it just never happened for him, and now it was time to pass it on for someone else. He told me that he hoped that I would be able to, which I could pick up on was not only was he telling me this as his hope for me, but sort of the price to pay for him giving me the opportunity with the house. It made sense to me that Steve wanted the house he was passing on to go to someone that could hopefully turn it into a place of camaraderie and fellowship for attorneys.

Without any of my doing, the house is filled with some of the most genuine, caring, compassionate attorneys you could ever hope to work alongside– Scott Best, Wiley Westall, Laura Hooks, Doug Tate, Christie, George Currin and Jenna Jarrett. Each of these individuals contribute to not just each other’s the practice of law, but quality of each other’s life.

I have known Corey Atkins, a fellow attorney in the local bar, for more than a decade. Great attorney and an even better person. I cannot say, however, that it was ever in my plans that we’d eventually work together. Indeed, I was actually going to model my practice after one of my mentors and just have myself, Jenna and another paralegal.

However, a series of unconnected events led to an opportunity for he and I to join forces, I found myself going back to the first lesson of following your heart. The ability to work with Corey, excellent attorney with life and experiences that can changes lives, was as clear to me as a rainbow appearing after a storm. There was no choice. In following my heart, which is to help our clients by working with a like-minded, driven, hard-working attorney like Corey, I am excited to share that the lessons will continue with Corey joining the firm. If you are reading this, please join me in welcoming Corey to Brian Elston law and changing this world together.

Of all the posts, this one caused me to stare at a blank page longer than any others. I reworked the drafts because the first one read like “let me tell you how great I am” and the second read like a kindergartener book with three-word sentences. So, I will just jump into how the lesson was learned:

As I was working on a matter, the client made a very casual, off-handed remark. While I was focused on the legal issue, she mentioned that when she had surgery, my office didn’t check on her. Oh, I felt convicted and hypocritical. The one thing that I was charged to do, to care, I dropped the ball.

Different story, but same lesson. A client called me while I was in Connecticut attending a dear friend’s wedding. He had a legal situation, and despite being hundreds of miles away, over the next two days, we got it figured out. I’ll never forget what he said when I gave him the news: “I trust Jesus Christ with all my heart. Brian, you’re second.”

The point here is two-fold: 1) You (yes, you reading this) matter way more than you ever know to those around you. I think we all engage in a lot of negative self-talk (“I bet I’ll mess this up”, “I’m no good at (and impose your own limitations). But, you are depended upon and trusted way more than you think you are.

Second point, I will bet that anyone reading this can stop, and remember that kind word, compliment, or encouragement that someone’s given you at one point in your life that you can still hear. I’m not talking about the auto-reply “You’re awesome”, but that genuine human-to-human compliment when someone told you “we couldn’t have done this without you” to something as simple as “that’s a great haircut”, especially when you were feeling self conscious.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” sounds like a saying that would need some Herculean effort of community service to accomplish. But, here’s what you need to know: you are already the world to so many people. So, in changing their world, all it can take is a simple, personal, kind compliment for it to be forever changed for the better.

If you provide any type of services to individuals as a profession, you may be able to relate:

You’ve gone towards the proverbially edge of the cliff, laid on your stomach, outstretched your hand, waving it to the person below the cliff to take it. The person below sees your hand, looks at you, and then gives you a high-five! Um, no, we weren’t doing this to give you a high-five, we were trying to help you.

Lesson learned: the help that you think you are giving may not always appear that way or even be able to be received by the person you are helping. You’ve got to be able to meet them where they are at – emotionally, physically, psychologically.

It’s a bit of a two-step process. First, check your own default settings. No two people are the same, so throw out a-one-size-fits-all approach in helping. By their own definition, accidents do not discriminate and happen to anyone no matter who they are. While I have handled hundreds of car accidents, each one is different because the person involved is different. Get to know the person and take an inventory to try and get on the same page with them. If I can see that I am not able to land the plane, I try a different approach. Trust me, it’s not about volume or repeating the same thing again. If you are the person trying to convey a message, than it is up to you to say it in such a way that the person can’t misunderstand it. It’s not their fault if you aren’t clear.

Second step, and I’ll start by saying what the lesson is NOT: some people can’t be helped or they need to help themselves. Wrong! That is not the lesson. Everyone can use some help. But the lesson is finding out what are they capable of and determining if you are the right person to help?

For instance, and this is a real example that a colleague passed on. In a wrongful death matter, the attorney got to work, put it together, and then put it all together where the family would be able to resolve it and move on. Nothing happened. The family was still grieving and were not in a position to do anything.

Experience helps recognize how to get on the same page, but there’s no specific recipe in figuring out how to meet people where they are. The lesson learned though is recognizing that if you truly want to help people, you just have to know it’s not all about where you are, but where those in need are too.

For those that did not live in Western North Carolina in 2024, the devastation from Hurricane Helene cannot be understated. It turned WNC into a third world country – no running water, internet, cell phone service – for a significant amount of time. While you could ask anyone “how’s it going?” you knew that everyone was going through something, even if they replied with a rote “good.”

I already had a previously scheduled telephone conference set the week after Hurricane Helene. When opposing counsel called they just launched into business as usual, I was just aghast at the unawareness. But, how would he have known?

Which, we all don’t know what storms are going on with someone that’s on the other end of the telephone, behind the email, or in the text thread. It’s easy to get lost in on our own business and trudge like an elephant through conversations, without just checking in on the other person. I’ve mentioned this in previous posts, but life-changing accidents and sorrow do not discriminate. You don’t get a t-shirt to wear if you’ve survived trauma. That husband who just lost his wife and mother of his children in an auto-accident a year ago, can look like anyone else. You really don’t know what a person is going through. So before launching into whatever it is you need or want from someone, take a moment, and ask how they are doing. It may turn out that you can be that shelter from the storm, even for just a little bit.